“I’ve got the small business, small business sadness”!

* You really need to sing the title of this blog to the tone of Lana Del Ray’s  tune  Summer Time Sadness…  It will make heaps more sense!!

OK now we’ve got that started let’s get into this. Make a pot of tea, settle in and kick back committed reader, this ones a long one!

You’d think that on Saturday night  the life of someone like myself would be glamourous right?  Maybe a fancy dinner with my girlfriends? Some cocktails at an amazing small bar?  All before heading off to a club? Free entry, drinks and shots bought for us  all night?

The actual reality? It’s pretty scandalous(more shocking than the above actually). I’m not quite sure I know you   can handle the actual disturbing reality that is  my life! That you’re ready to know, what  actually goes on behind the scenes.  Yes you say, please tell us we want  to know? I could pretend  to check myself in somewhere, maybe take an insta selfy from the waist up. Just do my hair and makeup and hashtag all sorts of trendy stuff. But  No dear reader, that would be complete and utter bullshit.

For the sake of full disclosure and the reality check,  I want you to see all that’s involved to  run your own small business. While it wont be exciting or feel good, I’ll  be completely frank and direct, (because that’s all I know how to be) with you. Because if you’re going to take advice from me, learn about  experiences and look for my skills and knowledge then you have to see the full picture.  I don’t want to lie and tell you that it’s all sunshine and rainbows and at times its bloody hard!

So let me paint a picture for you. It’s a Saturday night in Sydney, it’s cold out and I’m home alone.  I’m on the couch in my PJ’s and slippers a candle burning in the background (it helps me relax). I’ve only recently just made my way to the couch from my bedroom and I have a bit of stuff I should have  been doing. I’ve spent the past few hours in bed. Lights off, laying there and it’s been crazy. No nightmares or dreams, no sexy time with my lover. Nope! I’ve been sad and doing my own head in pondering all things every small business owner does.

I’m worried about the cash flow of my business, will I be able to pay my bills on time? Am I doing a good enough job?  and will everything be OK? Did I make the right decision?  Likely I’m just burnt out because I’ve been working my arse off night and day, or it might be PMS I’m really not sure. . All the things that go through everyone else’s mind, go through mine too. Usually I’m pretty good though at keeping it all in check though.  As  a perfectionist and a Virgo though I over analyse everything and worry more than most.  While I’ve sat here writing most of this blog,  I’ve been having my own  exclusive pity party. At times a sob between ciggys; fucking lame I know!

Operating a  business where you work on a contract and freelance basis providing a service  is challenging.  You rely on others and yourself to get things done. When you’ve limited start-up capital behind you too  (I am a very shit saver,  I’ll admit it, and everything I earn goes back into my business and my very scaled back living expenses). The infrequency of revenue coming in makes it hard to budget, and  in hindsight, I’m probably far too nice to my clients. I feel bad asking people to pay their invoices, and well it effects everything when they’re not in on time.

But it’s not all sob stories, this week alone I’ve added  15 new clients to my books. The eventual revenue they’ll  they’ll bring in collectively is the equivalent of over what I’d of earned in  4 months at my last job.  Great you say, yes I agree, but the difference? Stability of a paycheck.  I never realised what comfort it can bring.  That’s likely why so many people stay in their  shitty jobs. Because it’s easy, reliable and comfortable. I get it now!

But why are you talking about money? Didn’t you get taught that it’s rude and one of the biggest social taboos around? Yep but I like to have the conversations people wont. It’s probably why so much of my generation suck at managing it or are too scared to ask for advice or support.  Maybe at  school, rather than teaching us algebra or Pythagoras’s Theorem (seriously when in your day to day life have you been called on to use this?) why don’t they teach us about interest rates, the dangers of credit card debt or now to set up a small business?

Money in relationships  has to be one of  the biggest cause of arguments, divorce or lying. Let alone  unhappiness, stress and pressure to perform. It’s the be all and end all. It dictates how we live and  why we work and boy is it fucking exhausting!

As a small business owner, it’s basically you vs the world (or those in and around you). You work all day every day! You take on additional responsibilities, you say yes more than you want to, BUT  you do it because you love it! We start an internal dialogue with ourselves “That it will pay off in the long run” and “It will all be worth it”. Stress as small business owner = massive. But don’t just take my word for it, you’re likely nodding your head right now and it’s collectively the biggest concern with all of my clients. Then why do we do it? Why put ourselves through it? Haha because we’re all just a little bit crazy, whether you like to admit it or not!

 

The same self dialogue we’re telling ourselves both the positive reinforcement, the negative talk and doubt well we also tell ourselves that for all the good we’ve done our Karma points will get cashed in and it will all come up roses.  I really need my brain to stop talking to me like this, it’s really confusing!

We look at all those that made it, that they had struggles and trials along the way, well tell ourselves things like “Oh but it’s character building” and “You can do it”. We keep telling ourselves what we need to just keep on going.

Now don’t think for a moment that by putting this blog together, I’m seeking your pity, sympathy or a  hand out. It’s none of the above. I’ve come this far without asking from a thing from anyone, I’m hardly about to start now, nor am I about to throw the towel in. With everything that life has thrown at me thus far, pffft these are small potatoes. It’s more to tell you that like everyone else, I too have bad days, I too go through the things you do but  I’m not giving up or giving in. Because even I have shit days and have cereal for dinner!

Writing for me is cathartic, it always has been. From when I started writing this I’ve gone from feeling sad and sorry for myself to now feeling more determined and driven than ever and motivated to just get on with what I need too. Why am I sharing this with you? So you can learn from my experiences and know that it’s OK. That it’s perfectly normal to experience this and that we’re all just human.

That sometimes it’s completely necessary to have a cry, lay in bed for a few hours, eat that entire chocolate cake or go for a run. Do what you need to in your own way, but then get on with it. That among the massive wins and feeling on top of the world, that there are going to be self doubting moments and lows.  I’m not going to let my self sabotage or doubt take over, because that never did anyone any good.

I take comfort in  knowing that there were many before me , and  even more behind me though on this journey and they’ve made it  through the other side.
That it’s OK to have bad days and doubt yourself; just don’t do it for too long.

Now if someone would just hand me that box of donuts over there, I’ve got a bunch of things I need to  get done!

Chrissy